Getting started
Your first draft is never your best text. Professional writers revise everything they publish, and in an exam the last ten minutes of checking can raise your mark noticeably. In this lesson you learn what to check, how to find your typical mistakes and how a comment can also work as a post in an online discussion.
Auf Deutsch: Überarbeiten gehört zum Schreibprozess. Prüfe zuerst Inhalt und Aufbau, dann Sprache und zuletzt Rechtschreibung.
Explanation
Revise in three rounds
Round 1: content and structure
- Is my opinion clear in the introduction and in the conclusion?
- Does every paragraph have one argument with a topic sentence, a reason and an example?
- Did I answer at least one counter-argument?
- Is my strongest argument at the end of the main part?
Round 2: language
- Did I use different linking words, not only and and also?
- Are there short forms (don't, it's) or slang words that I should replace?
- Did I repeat I think? Replace some with other phrases or leave them out.
- Are my sentences varied: some short, some longer with because, although, which?
Round 3: grammar and spelling
Check the mistakes German learners make most often:
| typical mistake | correct |
|---|---|
| People which say … | People who say … |
| the most students | most students |
| I am agree. | I agree. |
| In my opinion I think … | In my opinion, … or I think … |
| a information, informations | some information |
| He make, she go | He makes, she goes (third person -s) |
| If students would have more time, … | If students had more time, … |
| becaus, arguement, oppinion | because, argument, opinion |
Auf Deutsch: Leg dir eine eigene Fehlerliste an. Schau nach jeder zurückgegebenen Arbeit, welche Fehler du mehrmals gemacht hast, und prüfe genau diese beim nächsten Mal zuerst.
From comment to online post
The same skills work in an online discussion, for example in the comment section of a news website or a school forum. Differences:
- shorter: one or two arguments are enough,
- reply to other users: I see your point, Sam, but … / I agree with Lea that …,
- polite and fair, even when you disagree strongly,
- still no insults and no writing in capital letters.
Examples
Example 1: Before and after revising
Draft: I think phones in school is bad. Because student are distracted. Also they are using it for cheating. I think the school should forbid it.
Revised: In my opinion, phones should not be used during lessons. They distract students, who often check messages instead of listening. Moreover, phones make it easy to cheat in tests. The school should therefore ask students to switch them off at the start of each lesson.
Changes: the wrong subject-verb agreement phones in school is is gone (phones should not be used), the fragment Because student are distracted is now part of a full sentence with the plural students, using it for cheating became make it easy to cheat, varied linking words (Moreover, therefore), and I think was replaced by In my opinion, used only once.
Example 2: A reply in an online discussion
Post by Mark: Uniforms are a waste of money. Parents have to pay for them, and students hate them.
Reply: I see your point, Mark, but I don't agree that uniforms are a waste of money. In the long run, many families spend less, because children need fewer fashionable clothes for school. Also, not all students hate them. At my cousin's school in Manchester, most students say they like not having to choose an outfit every day.
Rule
Revise in three rounds: content and structure, language, grammar and spelling. Keep a personal mistake list. In online discussions, be shorter, reply to others directly and stay polite.
Exercises
Grundlagen
- Correct the mistakes. a) The most people which use social media are young. b) I am agree with the idea that homework is important. c) She have many informations about the topic.
- Replace the short forms and informal words: It's kinda obvious that kids don't wanna do loads of homework.
Weiter
- Revise this paragraph in all three rounds. Write the improved version. I think fast food in canteen is not good. Its unhealthy. And it make people fat. Also its cheap so everybody buy it. I think schools should do something.
- Write a reply (60 to 80 words) to this post in a school forum: Post by Jenny: School trips are useless. We don't learn anything and they cost too much. Disagree politely.
Knobeln
- Write your complete comment (250 to 300 words) on one of these questions: Should school start later for teenagers? / Should voting be allowed from the age of 16? / Should fast food be banned in school canteens? Then revise it with the three rounds and mark three changes you made.
Lösungen
- a) Most people who use social media are young. b) I agree with the idea that homework is important. c) She has a lot of information about the topic.
- It is fairly obvious that children do not want to do a lot of homework.
- For example: In my opinion, fast food should not be sold in school canteens. It is unhealthy because it contains a lot of fat, salt and sugar, and eating it every day can lead to weight problems. Moreover, it is often cheaper than healthy meals, so many students choose it. Schools should therefore make healthy food cheaper and offer fast food only once a week. (Corrections: in canteen → in school canteens, Its → It is, it make people fat → can lead to weight problems, everybody buy → many students choose, And and Also at the start replaced by Moreover and so, a concrete suggestion instead of do something.)
- For example: I understand your point, Jenny, but I think school trips are far from useless. On our trip to the Wadden Sea last year, we learnt more about tides and wildlife in two days than in weeks of lessons. It is true that trips can be expensive. However, many schools have funds to help families who cannot pay. Maybe we could suggest cheaper destinations to the school council.
- Expected: 250 to 300 words, introduction with lead-in and thesis, two or three argument paragraphs with topic sentences, one counter-argument answered, conclusion without new arguments, varied linking words, formal or neutral style. Three revision changes marked and explained.